Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Arab generosity ??

Why why do Arab men have to do this?? Whenever we go out to dinner or coffee with our friends at the end of our stay hubby and friend’s hubby have to fight over who pays. OMG it is the most annoying thing. Same thing when hubby goes out with any of his friends. Can they not just make a schedule and decide who will pay each time before hand and spare themselves and others the hassle? This is why I love going out with my Canadian friends, unless someone is inviting the other to celebrate something, everyone pays for what they ordered, no hassle, no embarrassment khalas nice and simple, no one owes anyone anything.

One of the things that make me not Arab enough according to someone is the fact that when I have guests I offer them food, drinks and if they refuse I do not push. Ok you do not want it fine. I am not a mind reader; I do not if they are refusing to take what I am offering because they are shy or whatever, when they really do want it. When I invite people for dinner, I say tfadalo and I do not watch if people are filling their plates to the max or how much they eat and I do not push them to eat more. I invited them to eat, so they should, the food is there and plentiful why do I have to keep on bugging them to eat? Ya3ni am I to suppose to assume they are mest7yeen?

I hate it when people do that; I have been forced to eat more than I need so many times at friends’ houses. Khalas when I am done eating, I’m done, I did not stop eating before I was full in hopes that host is going to ask me to eat more. Wala mani mest7eyi, I’m just full, and then I have to put some more in my plate and force it down my throat, ya3ni lasho kol hadi leglabeh?

The other when we went to Edmonton, seeing how we do not have any Arabic stores in Saskatoon, I brought out friends some Araby bread and some stuff they requested. Hubby did not want to take any money from them. One friend was ok with and was persuaded with just few la khalas mish benatna and he took his stuff and thanked us, his wife called and thanked me for the gebna roomy she has been craving for a while. It is not big deal. The other friend would not accept it, hubby told him la khalas mish benatna, blah blah and he insisted but he did have cash. The next morning his wife calls me and I can tell that they have had a fight over this, and eventually she came over and brought $30. Their stuff cost $24.5, so now I have to give her back $5.5. Anyways, hubby was annoying with this, khalas some people do no like this, so after the third no I have to pay you take the money and end it. And our friend was even more annoying; khalas if you feel so strongly about it you can pay us back in a different way. Next time you go to Calgary or Edmonton just get us some stuff, or next time we see you get a small toy for the boys, anything. Bas ya3ni it should not be a big deal.

It is much easier dealing with this matter with our Canadian friends. No mish benatna wala bateekh and no wasting time arguing about paying. If I owe my friend a quarter I give it back to him/her and he will take it without no it is ok crap. And when someone at the office goes for a timmy’s coffee trip they collect money before leaving, no I pay now, you pay later crap everything is out in the open. Makes life so much easier!


kinzi said...

Sam, we'll be here to hold your hand and listen to you rant about such topics when you are going crazy your first couple months here. And we can pay for what we order w/o arguing!

Rebellious Arab Girl said...

haha.. I love being an Arab. I love Arab generosity.. but heck ya.. we are such pushers! It's funny cause I am such a pusher, when I go out to eat with my friends, I don't even let them argue with me. I just pay the bill! I don't expect anything in return. I am just an Arab.

But those that keep pushing.. eat eat.. God it's so annoying. I AM FULL!!

who's-sane! said...

Yeah, we are do push it, but if we don't, we'll accused of being cheap.

Sam, this is best illustrated here!

nido said...

It's funny how this issue never crossed my mind while being here, up until now! I am not a pusher myself, & would not like to be one! and now i think Im getting worse -becoming non Arab regarding generosity- :p Next saturday, Im going on a bbq picnic with the school, and its an international one, with so many Arabs, so it's gonna be fun watching which group will be more pushy;)

Sam said...

kinzi yeh i will have lots to rant about:) I'm glad to have u there for support:) thank u:)

rebellious arab girl..with my arab girl freinds there is no arguing we either each pay for ouselves, or one pays without the la balash blah blah blahs..and really hate 3azayem...especially at our egyptian freinds...and especially in ramadan!

who-sane *lol* that is too funny...u can never win so why try eh?

nido im so not a pusher too and im very shy to add to it...:) have fun at the bbq sounds like fun!

7aki Fadi said...

my mother in law used to push me and one time I kind of shouted, shb3aneh...LOL..after 2 years of stuffing me she started listing.

my sisters in law still suffer..HA HA HA HA

In Amman you can say I a on a diet and people will not push you to eat.

Sam said...

7aki fadi, my mother in law killed me in jordan..and she wanted me to have a tabeekh meal at 2pm...
the im on a diet thing does not work in canada, they just tell me to take a day off and eat..

Tamara said...

Lol, I don't push people to eat, ever! and when someone does that with me I assure them I'm not shy and that I will ask for more if I wanted.

you should discuss that with the women and agree on what do you want to do, then each one makes sure her hubby is on board : )

and life goes on... said...

isn't the half half thing better.. or at least that everyone pays for what he orders!!! it suits everyone and this way no more fighting. I hate when this happens too.. i really do!

PŕōuđPāŀĩ said...

i knowwww! i SOOOO appreciate the american way.. especially with ppl u go out with often, its useless to keep fighting over who pays the bill. inno khalas, either mara 3aleihum w mara 3aleikum or just pay for what u had w khalas.. why do ppl like to complicate things :S

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