I just got off the phone with my friend. She has been married for 11 months; she got married last June. We are chitchatting and she tells me that the inevitable has already started. She is already being asked about when she and her husband will start a family. I am not sure it is not this bad, but she says wherever she goes, weddings, mosques, friends and family gathering she is asked when they will have a little nono. They have not even celebrated their first year anniversary yet for god’s sake, khalas leave them alone!
I would understand family member wanting grandkids, nieces, nephews, cousins, but to strangers, really what the heck is in it for you? And really, you do not know, maybe they are trying and it is not working, so why make them feel worse about it??
I am sure it is just an Arab thing, I’ve never heard any of none Arab friends complaining about this! Ok maybe it not just an Arab thing, I am sure the are other cultures who nag about this as well..
I remember going through this and OMG was it ever annoying. Hubby and I decided to wait for at least one year before having children. We really wanted to get to know each other better, and to do fun things together. It was important especially for me, as I come from a somewhat strict family and I was not allowed to do lots of things. So hubby and I got to lots of fun stuff. We travelled a lot, we partied, and did what couples only did, we had lots of fun and I am glad we waited.
In those 3.5years before we got pregnant at every gathering I had to hear about it, some even suggested I see a doctor about it. We were working on preventing pregnancy, I do not know if we do have fertility problems or not, but for some it is hard to understand that not everyone get married and they start working on having kids from the first day. Ufff!
It was especially hard for my in-laws. Every week my mother in law would call and ask, do you have anything on the way yet? She said just try to have a baby now, jarbo 7alkom, and then wait to have another baby. Hmmmmmmmm wouldn’t that kind of defeat the purpose? Once you have one, it is not different than having 2 or 3 really. Apparently my mother in law was being tortured more than I was by family in Syria, making her feel bad, that maybe her son or his wife are not fertile, which alhamdoullah was not the case, actually we had our first son the first time we spontaneously said what the heck, lets try and see, and with our second son the month we decided to get pregnant it happened.
As much I love my kids, I am glad we waited those years. It was so much fun doing all those adult things. Now when we do things it is more kids geared, and forgot about spontaneous road trips, which hubby and I are famous for. One minute we would be driving around Toronto, and in few hours we are in Montreal or few hours away from home in northern Ontario. Now there is no way we could do that. Our trips have to be planned with kids’ entertainment here and there.
So now my poor friend has to endure this, and the do not have an plans to get pregnant soon. Of course it will not stop after the first baby, the minute the baby is born, starts the so when are you planning on having a second, do not wait too long, have them all together, blah blah blah..then the second baby comes, and they start asking about the third and so on. Ya3ni 3an jad, I do not understand what it is to them, why can’t they just mind their own business? I am at the when are you going to have a third baby stage, and I am being scolded for waiting too long, OMG my baby turns three in July and I still do not have a third, what am waiting for, until he turns five, maybe sho feeha ya3ni?