Friday, April 20, 2007

Annoying People




I just got off the phone with my friend. She has been married for 11 months; she got married last June. We are chitchatting and she tells me that the inevitable has already started. She is already being asked about when she and her husband will start a family. I am not sure it is not this bad, but she says wherever she goes, weddings, mosques, friends and family gathering she is asked when they will have a little nono. They have not even celebrated their first year anniversary yet for god’s sake, khalas leave them alone!

I would understand family member wanting grandkids, nieces, nephews, cousins, but to strangers, really what the heck is in it for you? And really, you do not know, maybe they are trying and it is not working, so why make them feel worse about it??

I am sure it is just an Arab thing, I’ve never heard any of none Arab friends complaining about this! Ok maybe it not just an Arab thing, I am sure the are other cultures who nag about this as well..

I remember going through this and OMG was it ever annoying. Hubby and I decided to wait for at least one year before having children. We really wanted to get to know each other better, and to do fun things together. It was important especially for me, as I come from a somewhat strict family and I was not allowed to do lots of things. So hubby and I got to lots of fun stuff. We travelled a lot, we partied, and did what couples only did, we had lots of fun and I am glad we waited.

In those 3.5years before we got pregnant at every gathering I had to hear about it, some even suggested I see a doctor about it. We were working on preventing pregnancy, I do not know if we do have fertility problems or not, but for some it is hard to understand that not everyone get married and they start working on having kids from the first day. Ufff!

It was especially hard for my in-laws. Every week my mother in law would call and ask, do you have anything on the way yet? She said just try to have a baby now, jarbo 7alkom, and then wait to have another baby. Hmmmmmmmm wouldn’t that kind of defeat the purpose? Once you have one, it is not different than having 2 or 3 really. Apparently my mother in law was being tortured more than I was by family in Syria, making her feel bad, that maybe her son or his wife are not fertile, which alhamdoullah was not the case, actually we had our first son the first time we spontaneously said what the heck, lets try and see, and with our second son the month we decided to get pregnant it happened.

As much I love my kids, I am glad we waited those years. It was so much fun doing all those adult things. Now when we do things it is more kids geared, and forgot about spontaneous road trips, which hubby and I are famous for. One minute we would be driving around Toronto, and in few hours we are in Montreal or few hours away from home in northern Ontario. Now there is no way we could do that. Our trips have to be planned with kids’ entertainment here and there.

So now my poor friend has to endure this, and the do not have an plans to get pregnant soon. Of course it will not stop after the first baby, the minute the baby is born, starts the so when are you planning on having a second, do not wait too long, have them all together, blah blah blah..then the second baby comes, and they start asking about the third and so on. Ya3ni 3an jad, I do not understand what it is to them, why can’t they just mind their own business? I am at the when are you going to have a third baby stage, and I am being scolded for waiting too long, OMG my baby turns three in July and I still do not have a third, what am waiting for, until he turns five, maybe sho feeha ya3ni?



10 comments:

Qwaider قويدر said...

You know, if someone ever asks me that I'll answer them that I will send them an S+ with the exact time I am going to sleep with my wife so that they would.. you know.. have a heads-up!

Jad jad .... ma 7ad elo ... people should really be put on the spot when they ask stupid personal and private questions like that!

Summer said...

Allah yekhallee lek eyyahum!
kids are the best thing to have around...
i understand how your mother in law felt...Grand kids are much better than having kids! one does not know unless you are there!

nido said...

Tell me about it...hehehe...I'm glad that my mother-in-law isn't an Arab..or else...it would just be too much! Whenever I talk to mama back home, she tells me that EVERYONE is asking her about us whether we got pregnant or not!! and she just asks them to leave us alone!! At the mosque here, I meet so many Arabs, and for them, this question is just like saying: marhaba!!
And you know what?! It's all in God's willing...no matter how hard you try to either protect yrself, or start working on it...We just want to have fun before we decide it's the right time...

Sam said...

qwaider, yah 3an jad, ya3ni it is very personal...ufff arab!

summer, i know kids are great..i would not trade them for the world..bas im still glad we did not have them right away:)

nido..poor u...it is so annoying..yeh people were asking mama too..and she would just say it is their business ma eli da3wi..my poor sister her inlaws live here and her hubby's grandfather was the worst actually...

who-sane said...

MY GOD! I've been thinking of posting something about this.

I haven't been married for a year now and I get asked by every single person I know "shoo? mafi eshi 3al taree2?" or "aimta ra7 itjeeboolna baby zgheer nil3ab fee?" and I do get irritated when friends and family force you into really long conversations on that topic, and how it's cool for your kids to grow up while you're young, to the point where it gets really annoying ...

Sam said...

who-sane ya 7aram, inta kaman...and it does not stop..when u have your first they will start naggin about having a brother or a sister for your baby..7aram gebhom 'arab 3ala ba3ad so they can be freinds, then after the second..and if you have too many like on your 4th or 5th baby u get the what another baby, r u crazy? ...there is no pleasing people..:)

7aki Fadi said...

lol Sam at last comment, I am being harassed for getting a baby boy now because I have a girl. on every occasion they say “inshallah you get a brother for your daughter.”

People need to F off

kinzi said...

This used to drive me CRAZY...especially because we were older getting married. Women would actually ask me if I was on the pill or something, and men would tell my husband he should have married someone younger and 'fresher' who could conceive more quickly!!! YYIIII!

OH, the advice! what positions, what to eat, it was ludicrous.

We just wanted to have some fun too, especially getting married older, we had both waited a LONG time and wanted to enjoy our relationship as a couple - I was sad for women who didn't have that kind of relationship with their husband and could only find their identity in having babies.

One thing helped me, I learned to say "Allah kareem". That would shut them up! Can't argue with nasiib, mish?

Mrs. Al Ramahi said...

i'm still not married and ive heard a lot about my coming baby! eno one month and you will have your baby on your shoulder, this and that.. Honsetly it is annoying, i say i want to postpone pregnancy for a while, but when i say this a lot of people say dont say that, that is 7aram! i am not saying i dont want to have babies! i just want to delay it..y3ne ma bakfur..dont know how they think or how they want it.. it is my life, my decisions, i wont say no to God's will,al7amdulillah for everyhting, its just that i need more time before i get a baby.. bas haty el nas yefhamo hal 7aki!

Sam said...

7aki, o yeh i get that alot..i have to try again for a binit, like i can just order a girl for next time.

Kinzi, o no, poor u..that must have been horrible..u gotta love arabs!

mr al ramahi, the advices do start coming in early eh? I remember sitting around at my wedding shower and the old ladies were giving me advice on how i should not wait to long to have kids and how i should have them all very close together and then live my life after my kids have all grown up...hmmmmm...it so does not make sense! and it never stops!