Thursday, November 1, 2007

a farewell??

I guess wont not be staying in Amman for too long now!

I got a call from Ziad’s school today, I have to go meet with them on Sunday, and I think this is it! They will tell me that they can not handle him anymore.
His reaction to this change has been horrible...he loves Amman. He has a lot more freedom here; he is the center of attention wherever he goes. But at school he did not do well at all. He did not even allow himself to try! He is a very bright and smart kid and has an awesome memory. By 2.5yo he could name every car on the street, but would not bother with his Arabic ABC’s.

He has been behaving so badly at school. He will not listen to his teachers, he even hits kids! Ziad has never ever hit anyone before. Even his little brother whom he is very jealous of, he has never hit, pinched or pushed him. We were actually very worried about him being hit in Amman!

So if Ziad is not in school here any longer we will be going back home. He does not deal well with change at all. When I first went to Canada I had some issues and had a bad couple of years, but my way of dealing with things is to make myself invisible, so no one notices me, but with Ziad it is the opposite, he wants all the attention on him by acting out, so no one would think he is upset about not knowing how to read and write. In Canada they are still learning to read cat, bat, bear...but here he is expected to do a spelling test with purple, white, and black. He is just learning his Arabic alphabet while the kids know how to write madrasiti , bostani and 7asoob in Arabic.

I should not have listened to hubby; we should have put him in an international school. Things may have been different. The thing is though, we chose this school because they have a special class for kids coming from abroad, but later we found out that they do not start until grade 2! He would not have felt out of place in a class like that. Of course on top of all these changes we have to add to the mix the fact that his daddy is not here! He is very attached to his dad. One of the people at school stupidly said o this should not have a big affect on the child and is not a reason for him to act out, there are lots of kids whose dads live elsewhere. Hmmmmmmmmmmm, what school did she graduate from??

I don’t know; I am just so sad for Ziad. First we moved him from Toronto, where he was starting to make friends to the middle on nowhere, aka Saskatoon. We did not have friends, family and it was too cold and snowy that we could not go out much. Then we brought him here to Amman, where he was like elatrash belzafeh. He loves his dad’s family here, but it is a big change. He is an angel at home, but the devil at school. Hubby is talking about getting a job in the gulf. An Arabic country...seriously sometimes I feel Canada is more of an Arabic country than Arabic countries. I mean really, is Dubai an Arabic city?? It is hard to tell.

But now I will not move anywhere else. We have not felt any stability in the past 2 years. In Saskatoon we were there temporarily. I could not buy anything for our house and know that I will be enjoying it for years to come, and it is the same here in Amman. I want to move back to my house. I want to plant a tree and watch it grow and maybe one day my kid will build a tree house on it or at least a swing. I do not want to be living temporary here and there.

Canada is our home! Nowhere else will be home for us...not Jordan (we do not have anything Jordanian, not even an iqama...Just Jordanian family members), not Lebanon, not Syria, not Palestine unless a miracle happens or any gulf country. At the end all these places are not our home; we do not belong in any of them. It does not matter how long you live in UAE or other countries eventually you will retire and have to leave the country. This sad reality hit hubby’s family when they left Kuwait and now his aunt will be coming back to Jordan because her husband’s work gave him the, thank you we do not need you anymore.

Hubby worried about being old and alone in Canada...but hmmmmmmm if you are living in Canada, you have friends and family. You grow old with your friends, so how is that different than living anywhere else?? You may be alone if you move to Canada in your 50’s, but you know what?? I see my friend’s parents who moved to Canada in their 50’s and they are not alone! There are always people visiting and there are always get togethers. You social life is what you make of it! No matter where you are. Hubby had an older friend when he lived in Germany and this is what caused him to go into this frame of mind, but really there is a big different between the city he lived in Germany and between a place like the greater Toronto area where there is a huge Arab population. So I can guarantee we will not have his friend’s fate inshallah!

I will miss Amman, yesterday I was looking around and thinking how much I love it here, but I love Canada equally but in Canada I can drive, and I do not feel like crying every time I cross the street. So I guess either way we are ok. I am looking for a preschool for Bilal in Milton as we speak. We will come to Amman every summer.


Masalha1 said...

Dear Sam:
Your life story is so similar to mine, I've live half of my life in Houston, Texas then moved my family to Jordan but I had to stay in Houston for afew months, my dear wife is an american and my kids spoke no arabic they went to private school, and they struggled just like your Ziad my oldest son which was 4years old at the time went into depression and stopped eating because he was so attached to me, the first year was hell but with time things started to fall into place my kids started to speak arabic and making friends, and they adjusted to life here so is my wife.
three years ago I wanted to move back to Houston it was my kids who refused simply because they were tired of moving around and they wanted a stable life which they believe they have it now.
I hope you will reunite with your husband where ever you choose to stay but having their dady around is very important to kids especially at this age.
Good luck.

and life goes on... said...

I guess it's good that you tried.. at least now you know for sure where you really want to be.. and it's great that you're putting your kids as your first priority! it must be really hard for kids.. even for adults it's hard so imagine how it is for kids.. good luck .. and we'd be the lucky ones cause we'll be always reading your blog no matter where you are :)

kinzi said...

Oh Sam, this is SO not how all were hoping it would end up for you all here.

Many factors have converged, my heart goes out to you. Don't leave just yet!

Summer said...

kids take moving diffrently, i hope Zaid will be doing just fine once you go back home. best of luck in whatever you decide. all the best to you and your family.

Qwaider قويدر said...

I'm very much like you ... homeless!
But I can relate to Jordan because I lived there for so long and still have family and friends

I know I love it here so much. But I love it there too

International schools are not that much better in Jordan, the whole schlastic system sucks because of the parents that don't support it.

Try to help your little Zooz .. I'm sure he will be able to cope with it soon. Just a little bit more.

Allah ykook ma3akom

7aki Fadi said...

Awww, so sorry Sam to hear that.

The school not having that special class caused all these issues, you would have not put him in that school if you knew that, sa7?

Why don't you look into another school that might have something similar? Or put him in an international school and get an Arabic tutor? My Mom used to give tutoring lessons to kids like your son , they were Arabs from the states :) . I say give it a shot, I mean you are aaaalll the way in Jordan . Move him to another school and get him a tutor and see what happens.

Good luck Sam on whatever choice you make.

I know it is sooo hard, my daughter speaks no Arabic too and it's a struggle. I just wish Arab Canadian had a better school system here where we don't have to immigrate out of Canada to teach our kids Arabic.

Maioush said...

Oh god, why do I have the feeling that I relate to this so much? maybe cuz I do..
Sam.. I know exactly what you are talking about, moving a lot, so many different schools, trying to be do stuff so no one will notice that I don't know or something, try to give so me more time, I was just like Zooz…
Wish you guys all the luck, allah ywafe2kom :)

tinkerbella said...

I know how you feel, the lack of stability really takes a toll on you.. and the kids feel it too, prob not in the same way but they feel it. We moved around so much I started to get scared of making friends because I knew we would be leaving soon as my dad kept fiding new business prospects and my parents love to travel so we kept moving. it was all very exciting and new but stability is a ne3meh. moving back to canada isnt really a bad idea, you get to be in ur home (country) and you *home* with all ur stuff and close to hubby.
dont underestimate the power of summers, ur kids will lear ALOT of arabic over the course of summers and if u guys keep it up there in canada by speaking to them in arabic at home, they will become fluent inshallah as they grow older.
either way, inshallah you guys can make the right decision for yourselves and everything will work out.
best of luck!

Jundi said...

well you should expect some difficulties especially in the beginning .. i guess u know that it is a BIG change going from canada to jordan .. its not a picnic .. come on dont give up so easily .. dont get mad just tough love :)

my advice .. aham ishi peace of mind .. just keep that in mind when deciding between canada and jordan and the gulf and whatever options u have ..

good luck!

Sam said...

masalha1..welcome to my kids love it here..and i do too..but hubby can not get a decent job that pays well here..:) thanks for sharing your story:) u r so sweet...yeh i tried:)

kinzi...well if i can find a school that will let ziad in KG2..we will i said to ziad KG2 here is like grade 1 in canada..and grade 1 is really grade 2...i mean the things they are doing in english it is grade 2 grade 1 kids are expected to read simple words..not elephant and the months of the year..:) wish us luck!

7aki we just started tuturing...but just for a week and now he is out of the stupid! o well...they have an arabic immersion school in windsor now..i wish they would open one in mississauga...that will solve all of our not too keen on islamic schools..they are just too much...

maioush wow someone else like ziad...moving is hard on kids..and everyone deals with it differently...when we moved to canada my brother got a depression...

tinker..yeh instability sucks and it eventually gets to you...and the friend thing...for a while i had a friend that moved alot..and i wondered why she didnt work to make friends in the few years she lived in TO and now i know how she felt... is not me giving is the school giving up on ziad...if i can get him in a nice school we will stay..otherwise in canada they are much better at dealing with thing...last year when ziad did the same things they were able to help and within a couple of months he did great...but it is different resources?? o well...

summer yeh ziad does not take moving easily and he does not convey his real feelings about things...instead he pretends he is ok but acts out..*sigh*

Q im starting to feel the same about soon as we get an iqama and buy a house it will be more like home inshallah:)im trying to is the school that is pushing him too hard..and causing all this..

MommaBean said...

Sam, give me a call and lets see if we can get you some help. I agree with you that KG2 here is like 1st grade in the US and Canada. The things they expect are beyond crazy. Oh, well. If you end up heading home, we're most blessed for having you with us for a short time. but, seriously, drop me a line and we'll see if I can help...

Oriental Arabesque said...

They say, kids cope with changes much easier than adults, but that’s not always true; I think it depends of what kind of change they’re facing

Of course it’s not easy for you and your kids to be away from their dad, the language and education is a major issue too although i think it's just a matter of time for Ziad to get used to all this..…but of course as many mentioned stability is required for the children, specially in the first few years of their age…

Wish you all the best, wherever you decide to stay....just keep positive and try not to worry a lot about the kids learning arabic and all this...they will with time and some extra effort..

just keep ur blog cute and alive as always :)

Dandoon said...

Sam, I really understand every word and thought in this post. It is hard to make up your mind about where home is, and then condition yourself to grow on it. I think it is much easier to get attached to Toronto than ANYWHERE else in the world. As for your kid, you should try private tutoring in Arabic, and maybe change the school.
I think a visit to Toronto would cheer you all up ;)