just be nice

Is anyone else sick of thinking of a title for their posts??

Once upon a time we were staying at Mrs A’s house in Amman for few weeks along with Mrs B and her family. Mrs A had a next door neighbour named Mrs C. Mrs C is an older lady in her 60’s, she lives alone. She is a very nice lady, well educated, speaks English and French. She is well travelled, and overall a very interesting and pleasure to talk to person. Mrs B was somewhat of a snob to Mrs C. Whenever Mrs C stopped by Mrs B would barely utter a very dry hello and go to her room or to the balcony with her argeelah, she never sat and had a conversation with Mrs C, because who the hell was Mrs C, no one important or interesting. I used to like chatting with Mrs C, but sometimes had to leave the room because my kids were being a bit exasperating and Mrs A and C wanted to get to know each other as they have both just moved into the building.

One day, on the day Mrs B and her family were leaving Amman to the gulf country they were living, Mrs C came to say her farewell to them, out of respect to Mrs A.
Mrs C said a polite Hello, Mrs B answered with the driest, rudest Hello back I have ever heard, quickly dismissing the existence of Mrs C and asking her husband about something then leaving the room.

After a few minutes of conversation it came about that Mrs C is a very good friend with a princess from the country where Mrs B and her family are living. Mrs B’s hubby calls her to the room and passes on new piece of I guess important information.

All of the sudden Mrs B lost interest in what she was doing in the other room. She grabed a seat and joined us. Now she was very interested in Mrs C and wanted to be her friend. She gave her their home phone number, her cell number, husband’s cell number, and her daughter’s cell number so she can call the very next time she is in the gulf country they live in, in the hopes that maybe, just maybe Mrs C will introduce them to her princess friend! All Mrs B saw in Mrs C was a new wasta.

Moral of the story: Arabs are weird. Never dismiss anyone as an unimportant person until you know who he or she is and whom he or she knows. Or for god’s sake just be nice and polite to everyone, regardless of who they are, what they do, whom they know and how much money and property they have. Sheesh!

Racism & stereotype

Racism is a huge issue; I am not making light of it. Sometimes people used racism as an excuse. If they do not get a good grade, it is because the proff. is a racist bastard, he is Jewish for sure and hates Arabs! If someone does not get a job, or is not given enough responsibilities at work it is because dol 3noseryeen awi! He does not look around to see that his manager is Indian, and his Palestinian colleague is given more than enough responsibility. Sometimes we do not want to see and acknowledge our failures so we blame it on racism.

Every culture has their racist people. Among us Arabs are the most racists of all! I have heard all the stereotypes and racism remarks. They are from Lebanon; they must be sluts. People from Jordan are very rude and inconsiderate, I have dealt with few Jordanians and they were awful. People from Gaza are strong headed and you cannot deal with them rashom nashef. Khaleeji people are big snobs and conceded, they saw money and now they think they own the world. Egyptians are this, and Syrians are that…and so on. And lets not forget the, I hate black people. I hate white people. All Americans are bad people. It is very pathetic and very disturbing; we judge a whole nation by the few we encounter!

If you find a bad apple in the basket, you do not throw away the whole basket. It is the same with people. It really bugs me when I hear those remarks, and I just want to slap these people few time to wake them up. Thankfully the majority of people who utter those remarks are the older generation, my dad and his friends. So maybe there is hope that the newer generations will not be this poisoned. I guess that is too much to hope for eh? Well the least I can do is to teach my children to be understanding and tolerant of other cultures and beliefs and that stereotyping is wrong! So I can make sure two (maybe three one day) people in this world will not do this. :o)

When are people going to grow up, and judge others based on their own faults and merits and not based on where they come from or on their religion and beliefs?

How do we expect others not to stereotype us and utter racist remarks towards us, when we do it to each other everyday?

Annoying People

I just got off the phone with my friend. She has been married for 11 months; she got married last June. We are chitchatting and she tells me that the inevitable has already started. She is already being asked about when she and her husband will start a family. I am not sure it is not this bad, but she says wherever she goes, weddings, mosques, friends and family gathering she is asked when they will have a little nono. They have not even celebrated their first year anniversary yet for god’s sake, khalas leave them alone!

I would understand family member wanting grandkids, nieces, nephews, cousins, but to strangers, really what the heck is in it for you? And really, you do not know, maybe they are trying and it is not working, so why make them feel worse about it??

I am sure it is just an Arab thing, I’ve never heard any of none Arab friends complaining about this! Ok maybe it not just an Arab thing, I am sure the are other cultures who nag about this as well..

I remember going through this and OMG was it ever annoying. Hubby and I decided to wait for at least one year before having children. We really wanted to get to know each other better, and to do fun things together. It was important especially for me, as I come from a somewhat strict family and I was not allowed to do lots of things. So hubby and I got to lots of fun stuff. We travelled a lot, we partied, and did what couples only did, we had lots of fun and I am glad we waited.

In those 3.5years before we got pregnant at every gathering I had to hear about it, some even suggested I see a doctor about it. We were working on preventing pregnancy, I do not know if we do have fertility problems or not, but for some it is hard to understand that not everyone get married and they start working on having kids from the first day. Ufff!

It was especially hard for my in-laws. Every week my mother in law would call and ask, do you have anything on the way yet? She said just try to have a baby now, jarbo 7alkom, and then wait to have another baby. Hmmmmmmmm wouldn’t that kind of defeat the purpose? Once you have one, it is not different than having 2 or 3 really. Apparently my mother in law was being tortured more than I was by family in Syria, making her feel bad, that maybe her son or his wife are not fertile, which alhamdoullah was not the case, actually we had our first son the first time we spontaneously said what the heck, lets try and see, and with our second son the month we decided to get pregnant it happened.

As much I love my kids, I am glad we waited those years. It was so much fun doing all those adult things. Now when we do things it is more kids geared, and forgot about spontaneous road trips, which hubby and I are famous for. One minute we would be driving around Toronto, and in few hours we are in Montreal or few hours away from home in northern Ontario. Now there is no way we could do that. Our trips have to be planned with kids’ entertainment here and there.

So now my poor friend has to endure this, and the do not have an plans to get pregnant soon. Of course it will not stop after the first baby, the minute the baby is born, starts the so when are you planning on having a second, do not wait too long, have them all together, blah blah blah..then the second baby comes, and they start asking about the third and so on. Ya3ni 3an jad, I do not understand what it is to them, why can’t they just mind their own business? I am at the when are you going to have a third baby stage, and I am being scolded for waiting too long, OMG my baby turns three in July and I still do not have a third, what am waiting for, until he turns five, maybe sho feeha ya3ni?

Arab generosity ??

Why why do Arab men have to do this?? Whenever we go out to dinner or coffee with our friends at the end of our stay hubby and friend’s hubby have to fight over who pays. OMG it is the most annoying thing. Same thing when hubby goes out with any of his friends. Can they not just make a schedule and decide who will pay each time before hand and spare themselves and others the hassle? This is why I love going out with my Canadian friends, unless someone is inviting the other to celebrate something, everyone pays for what they ordered, no hassle, no embarrassment khalas nice and simple, no one owes anyone anything.

One of the things that make me not Arab enough according to someone is the fact that when I have guests I offer them food, drinks and if they refuse I do not push. Ok you do not want it fine. I am not a mind reader; I do not if they are refusing to take what I am offering because they are shy or whatever, when they really do want it. When I invite people for dinner, I say tfadalo and I do not watch if people are filling their plates to the max or how much they eat and I do not push them to eat more. I invited them to eat, so they should, the food is there and plentiful why do I have to keep on bugging them to eat? Ya3ni am I to suppose to assume they are mest7yeen?

I hate it when people do that; I have been forced to eat more than I need so many times at friends’ houses. Khalas when I am done eating, I’m done, I did not stop eating before I was full in hopes that host is going to ask me to eat more. Wala mani mest7eyi, I’m just full, and then I have to put some more in my plate and force it down my throat, ya3ni lasho kol hadi leglabeh?

The other when we went to Edmonton, seeing how we do not have any Arabic stores in Saskatoon, I brought out friends some Araby bread and some stuff they requested. Hubby did not want to take any money from them. One friend was ok with and was persuaded with just few la khalas mish benatna and he took his stuff and thanked us, his wife called and thanked me for the gebna roomy she has been craving for a while. It is not big deal. The other friend would not accept it, hubby told him la khalas mish benatna, blah blah and he insisted but he did have cash. The next morning his wife calls me and I can tell that they have had a fight over this, and eventually she came over and brought $30. Their stuff cost $24.5, so now I have to give her back $5.5. Anyways, hubby was annoying with this, khalas some people do no like this, so after the third no I have to pay you take the money and end it. And our friend was even more annoying; khalas if you feel so strongly about it you can pay us back in a different way. Next time you go to Calgary or Edmonton just get us some stuff, or next time we see you get a small toy for the boys, anything. Bas ya3ni it should not be a big deal.

It is much easier dealing with this matter with our Canadian friends. No mish benatna wala bateekh and no wasting time arguing about paying. If I owe my friend a quarter I give it back to him/her and he will take it without no it is ok crap. And when someone at the office goes for a timmy’s coffee trip they collect money before leaving, no I pay now, you pay later crap everything is out in the open. Makes life so much easier!